Thanks to Merril (from New Jersey) for hosting this dVerse bar challenge: Prosery Monday: A Time, to which I am responding on Tuesday. Merril says to write prose of less then 145 words in response to this line from the poem “A Time” by Allison Adelle Hodge Coke.
“when it is over said and done
it was a time
and there was never enough of it.”
Genre: flash memoir
Word count: 143
Title: L’esprit de l’escalier
***
Last Fall, I wrote a poem about watching my father drink coffee and smoke when I was a young child. Our father-son relationship improved slightly later in life.
I’d received good reaction to the piece, so I considered its potential for submission. I requested further feedback from a critique group (mostly fiction writers). I was aware of the potential risks, but I wanted to know their thoughts.
One person asked, “I did not understand the last few lines where you said, ‘I figured it out. He did too. In the end, it was just the end.’ Can you explain what you meant?”
Stumped for a good answer, I copped-out with, “He died”—a true but poor response on my part.
Now I could simply say, “When it is over, said, and done, it was a time. And there was never enough of it.”
***
Look both ways for answers.
Mind the gaps in the poetry of others,
it’s where we may find answers.
Our Literary Journey 
Brilliant, Bill!
Thank you for sharing your memoir – with a new ending!
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My pleasure indeed. Glad you liked it.
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I did! 😊
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Glad you took the risk, glad you shared with us!
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Glad you’re glad. 🙂
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You know, I can relate to your experience with critique groups. It’s funny how you can think your words are clear and yet they are misinterpreted or misunderstood. Reminds me of a quote by one of my favorite poets, Kahlil Gibran, “Between what is said and not meant and what is meant and not said, most love (understanding) is lost.”
I hope to read your memoir someday 🙂
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In rewrite. Thanks, Sue.
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Indeed… so much better than just that he died… I can relate to this too.
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Oh, I am glad you could.
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Regarding your “cop-out” of “He died,” sometimes it’s just too difficult to express something that is simply a part of your being. The lines from “A Time” fit perfectly into your experience. You used them well.
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Thank you very much.
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Thanks for sharing, Bill. I like the layers of this–writing process about family and memory and time. There is never enough. I think of all the things I wish I had asked my parents and grandparents.
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Indeed. I really never knew any of my biological grands and did not know what quotations to as parents and other family members. Pretty dysfunctional at times.
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kaykuala
Most times emotions might play its hand when a question personal in nature is invoked. A memoir will be interesting to see, Bill!
Hank
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oh this hits the heart. sometimes writing about death is really difficult.
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